"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing.
There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow
people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a
time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."
~Gloria Naylor~
Have you had a natural birth? Do you have actual (and strong) opinions about things like vaccines and circumcision? Do you find yourself cornering newly pregnant women whom you have never met at social functions and dumping information on them when they mention that they want an episiotomy because "it just heals up so much better when it is a straight cut than a jagged tear"?
If so, then this article is for you!
Now- what do you do when somebody-- maybe even somebody you love, appears to be heading down the birth trauma highway?
Ahh, the humanity! Knowing that your friend/sister/neighbor/in-law is being set up for a horrid birth experience! How hard is this for the natural birth mama who simply loved her life changing birth experience? Do you keep your mouth shut? Do you offer information? Do you share your experience? Can you "let" her go down a path you don't think she should?
~/~
Questions like this are asked all the time:
"My friend is being set for an induction at 39 weeks because she is uncomfortable. What research can I give her?"
Or, as a natural birth teacher I get phone calls from the mom or mother in law or buddy trying to enroll their loved one in a Bradley natural birth class.
"I LOVED my Bradley birth! She really needs this class. When does the next one start?!"
So what DO you do?
As a woman who has actually uttered the words "You didn't need that c-section" (yes I am that tactless), I can honestly say that this is a very difficult one.
A few things that I try to remind my tactless self:
1) What you consider a good experience might not be what somebody else considers a good birth experience.
I remember telling the birth story of my first child to a woman who had a c-section for failure to progress. I had three nights of labor and had pushed for 4 hours- two hours longer than she had before they declared her unable to birth vaginally. Maybe I was thinking she would hear my story and say
"Ahh- you wonderful woman! Thank you for your wisdom! I now see that maybe, just maybe, I too am capable of vaginal birth. You have given me hope!"
This is NOT what she said. Instead she looked at me with a little bit of horror and said something about how she couldn't believe I would want to go through that. What was an empowering experience for ME just sounded exhausting and brutal to HER. She has scheduled her c-sections for her other babies, and I believe been quite happy with her births. I can only imagine that my most recent unassisted birth in my bed would have sounded equally awful to her.
So- to each his own. We don't all want the same thing from life or from birth.
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