BAD FASHION AND AWKWARD POSES: KCAs 2012

The Kids Choice Awards are a hard one to dress for, CLEARLY. Its held during the day, Will Smith is hosting it and it's to do with kids so you don't wanna rock up in Altelier Versace, but at the same time it's still an awards show, there's still a red orange carpet and your picture is still going to be in all the magazines the next day. Tough balancing act, right?

Here are some slebs from this year's awards who found striking the perfect balance HARDER THAN MOST. And some who just can't pose for toffee...

Not even a SMUG GRIN and pink shoes can stop that black dress looking BORING

I know I'm SUPPOSED to like this look but I just don't. I hate that you can see the white lining of her skirt (cheap) and all that makeup makes her look about 45.

I don't know who this is, but she needs to CLOSE HER LEGS.

Oh God, what the hell are you doing here Heidi Klum? Also, looking more than a little past it in this getup. PS how about ditching that stony-faced stare next time. You're giving me the creeps. 

That awkward moment when your mum looks like a TOTAL FUD on the red carpet and majorly embarasses you in front of the world's press.

I'm confused and disturbed in equal measure.

"Hey, I know what'll ruin this otherwise perfectly acceptable salmon short-suit! Hideous grey shoe boots."

Oh my God. Prom gone wrong.

Smize at me all you want, I'm judging you cos your dress is WAY SHORT and you totally know it.

Do you put your hand on your hip or leave it down? It's hard being Selena Gomez.

Now for the QUEEN of awkward red carpet poses. These pictures made me actually BAH-HA out loud. Kristen Stewart really out-did herself this time in the standing-like-a-man stakes, and I kind of love her for it. Such a dork.

Are you hiding a football up there?

It's almost physically painful.

Ouch.

OSCARS 2012: BESTS

I forgot all about the Oscars on Sunday night. WHY? Cos I went out for a couple of drinks in the afternoon and ended up on a wild bar-crawl adventure through Glasgow culminating in a lot of drama and a very sore head the morning... THAT'S WHY.

ANYWAY, while I was getting jakey, this lot were getting their glam oan. I'm only doing the bests this time, partly cos there weren't that many disasters (except George Clooney's missus, JLo, Cameron Diaz's face, Shailene Woodley, Vanessa Hudgens and Judy Greer) and partly because I can't really be bothered.

Bernice Bejo in Elie Saab. Wasn't it actually GAGA who predicted mint would be a big deal this year? Spot on Gaga, this embellished pastel number is stunning, age-appropriate and the epitome of class.

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli Haute Couture. A tricky one to pull off thanks to the high neck, bow, ruffles and colour, but consistent risk-taker Emma knocks it out the park once again.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford. Gwyneth is THE most irritating woman in the entire universe hands down, but I struggle to think who else could pull off something so structured and minimal. Also, glad to see she's ditched the thigh-high split. Wish I could have said the same about Angelina Jolie...

Rooney Mara in Givenchy. Once again it's all about the hair and makeup. I WISH she'd crack a smile once in a while though. It's getting a bit old, that intense stare.

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton. Perfect colour, perfect peplum (love that it hits at the exact right spot and doesn't swamp her petite frame) and PERFECT styling with the pale pink clutch. Love, love, love.

Claire Danes in Valentino. I get the impression Claire is more comfortable in 'safer' dresses than this one, but the colour, style and fit actually really suit her. But her best accessory here is that big grin - NOT a dress to look dour in or take too seriously.

Amy Adams in Vivienne Westwood. I never really see Amy looking full on SEXIFIED on the red carpet (or, actually, ever) so I'm pretty happy she uped the ante in this metallic number. Totes hot.

Gwen Steffani in unknown. It's red hot until you get to the shoes. GURL, patent courts are NOT the way to accessorise such a fierce dress. 5/10 so not really a 'best' but whatever.

Lily Collins in Monique Lhullier. Isn't she the cutest? She reminds me so much of a young Camilla Belle... Anyway, this dress is gorgeous with her pale skin and dark hair combo, but it doesn't really scream after party to me. I wish it had been shorter or tighter or SOMETHING, I mean, how is she supposed to get crunk on the dancefloor in this? Regardless, it still photographs fabulous on the red carpet, so kudos.

Finally, let's all just take a minute to appreciate January Jones.
Ahh, my beloved JJ, I'm so happy you've emerged from social hibernation! Now please, proceed to wow us on the red carpet like you used to...

January Jones in Wes Gordon. She just ALWAYS. LOOKS. FABULOUS.

In fact, screw it, ama do a Why I Love January Jones post next.

What did y'all reckon of the Oscars red carpet - who was the best of the best and the worst of the worst? Go on, I love a good bitch!

GOLDEN GLOBES 2012 BEST AND WORST

So by now you've probably read at least a hundred of these Golden Globes summary posts but what the hell, I'm chucking my opinion into the bitchy swill bucket that is a best and worst roundup. You know the drill.

The Bests:

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

This is the BEST of the bests. I have never seen an Atelier Versace gown look bad on the red carpet, ever. Oh Jolie, you shut it down. Check the withering stare. SHE KNOWS this is a stone cold hit.

Claire Danes in J. Mendel

I love Claire Danes. I love her now, I loved her then (skip to 6.40), and I love her in this simple, classic monochrome J Mendel dress. It's actually backless so there's some drama going on when she turns round but I like it from the front too. She looks comfortable and elegant. Plus she brought her Maw. I LOVE YOU CLAIRE DANES.

Emma Stone in Lanvin

The colour of this Lanvin gown contrasts beautifully with Emma's porcelain skin and it's sexy yet still classy (Lea Michelle, take note). Also, I'd happily rock that phoenix-encrusted belt. I'm not falling all over myself in love with it, but it's definitely a safe all-rounder.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

ERW often has the tendency to about 45 years old on the red carpet but this time she got it right. It's nice that she's not shoving her gothy side down our throats, but this Gucci number is still dark and seductive enough to kind of hint that she's a totes rebel behind the scenes. Loving the under-done makeup too. Anything else and it would have been too much. Smug it up ERW, you look fierce.

Kelly MacDonald in Lorena Sarbu

This is the best I've ever seen Kelly look. She got slightly overshadowed on the night what with Jolie, Charlize and Mila etc. stealing the limelight but this dress/overall look deserves some massive snaps. I'd maybe have liked to have seen something a bit more interesting with the hair - maybe a loose side bun? - but that's me being super pernickity. All in all this is definitely a 9.5 for me. In fact, the more I look at it the more I think it's my favourite dress of the night...

Natalie Portman in Lanvin

Loads of folk were bitching about the boxy shape of this gown and the 'distracting' side train but I really love it. We all know Natalie's got a smokin' hot bod under there and I like to see her going for something a little more structured for a change. Plus, I'm sorta feeling pink at the moment. DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?

Rooney Mara in Nina Ricci

The gown itself is fairly plain (similar to January Jones' red Atelier Versace from last year) but what I love most about Rooney Mara here is her makeup. It's absolutely flawless. Seriously, just look at that face. I felt the makeup was fairly tame this year, minus the odd red lip here and there, but this smouldering dark eye and fierce contouring REALLY stood out for me.

The Worsts:

Charlize Theron in Dior

The heinous Kelly Osbourne et al were all fawning over Charlize and this disgusting sugary number complete with infantile Alice band. FOR WHY? Who knows, it absolutely escapes me. There's far to many things going on at once - that weird ruffling around the middle, random embellished bit, plunging neck, a split skirt AND a train? AND a bloody hairband? No. Just... No.

Zooey Deschanel in Prada

Oh Zooey. See, it starts well - from the armpits up I love it. Gorge face, gorge hair, gorge lime green sparkly...oh no, wait, what the hell is happening from the armpits down? I don't like the weird sideways-graduated effect of the sequins and I also don't like that slinky bias-cut skirt, which looks too long and clingy. The contrast of the colours and textures just doesn't work for me. At all.

Kate Beckinsale in Roberto Cavalli

Oh hey there, Victoria Beckham's not-so-subtle-boob-job-body circa 2007. Dated, boring, predictable. How exactly is Kate Beckinsale still relevant? Honestly, like why do we care about Kate Beckinsale? I do NOT get her.

Lea Michelle in Marchesa

Oh. My. God. This is horrendous. It's a shame because it's not really the dresses fault, it's just totally inappropriate for the Golden Globes and it clashes horribly with the frumpy up-do and general non-sexiness of Lea Michelle. That fact is clearly lost on her though - did you SEE the poses she was pulling for the paps? Positively glamour model-esque. Lea reminds me here of a bad Halle Berry who also tends to go for an overtly sexy dress and always misses the mark. This one was way off.

Nicole Kidman in Versace

Yeah, check that face out. You KNOW this is bad, doncha Nicole? Horrible colour and it does nothing for her boobs or arms. Her hair MAY have been perfectly coiffed and curled at one point, but here it looks like she got caught in the rain and didn't have time for a sneaky re-tong. Bad news.

Reece Witherspoon in Zac Posen

Someone on Twitter said Reese looked like a bad Pamela Anderson without the boobs, and I can TOTALLY see it. This Zac Posen dress is probably like ten thousand dollars or something but here it looks like cheap taffeta, and I'm not convinced it properly fits at the boobs either. Plus, get your roots done, Reese. There's no excuse.

Honorary Mention:

The Dug from The Artist looking dapper.

 BUT WHERE THE HELL WAS JANUARY JONES??? Shes my red carpet FAV and she wasn't there? I am distraught.

So that's my round up, whaddya all think? Have I left anyone out or been too harsh?